Are you taking Ownership, being Accountable and taking Responsibility?
Or are you shirking some or all of those things and expecting others to fulfill those roles for you?
One of the things I have noticed that has changed most within my practice over the last decade is the degree of initiative of people being accountable for their actions. I sense there is an expectation that I provide the accountability rather than the individual taking responsibility for it. It is a dilemma and a fine line to draw between being encouraging and supportive versus people taking ownership of their issues and being responsible for their commitments.
“If you think someone or something other than yourself is responsible for your happiness or success, I’d guess you’re not that happy or successful.” ― Rob Liano
Part of the coaching process is to take responsibility for what we want to achieve and how and when they want to go about it. My role as the coach is to enable, facilitate, guide and be an ‘accountability post’ for my client. This means both parties set realistic time frames for the actions the protagonist feels are achievable and timely. It’s important that we are clear that it is they who take the initiative to further that engagement. This helps enable people to develop their autonomy, confidence and self-sustainability. It also boosts their self-determination and independence which are all part of the change process.
“Resolution, like responsibility, is a product of ownership, and we can’t resolve a conflict until we figure out how we contributed to it.” ― Richard Eyre
So why has this changed? Is it that our ‘busy-ness’ has meant we’ve come to rely on others or a txt-reminder, rather than diary a commitment to ourselves?
Or is it that we are in such a state of overwhelm that we can no longer figure which way is up and therefore it is a case of the ‘line of least resistance….?’
Perhaps it all becomes too hard and so we just drop that initial positive intention of effecting change even though change is really what we seek?
“To say you have no choice is to relieve yourself of responsibility.” ― Patrick Ness
When working with people who had volunteered their time to mentor young people with potential-for-more through Graeme Dingle’s ‘Project K’ programme, I was introduced to a very useful and well-plied tool of Above/Below the line. It really helps us to recognise the how our behaviour can impact our life and how clear cut it can be. The concept seems relevant here:
Below the Line behaviours include Blame, Excuses, Denial (B.E.D) – a struggle to get out of B.E.D. in the morning; a tendency to want to pull the covers over your head so you don’t have to ‘face the day.’
Above the Line behaviours involve digging in with your ‘O.A.R.’ to create Ownership, Accountability and Response-Ability.
Here’s the Choice:
Do we want our behaviour to be that of a Victim or Loser, one who is Reactive or one of a Leader or Winner, one who is Pro-Active?
We are both, at one time or another; the secret is in our awareness in monitoring which roles we take on and when. We need the knowledge and insight to lift ourselves above the line when we fall below it. When we know that we have defaulted below the line, we engage in a scarcity mentality rather than one of abundance. This causes us to default to behaviours that are not representative of our ‘better’ selves.
“Ownership: ‘A commitment of the head, heart, and hands to fix the problem and never again affix the blame.” ― John G. Miller
When addressing ‘change’, we need to think more mindfully about whether the current time is right for us to take responsibility for change, or not. We need to ask ourselves: can I truly dedicate the time and energy necessary to implement the changes I desire? Or, do I first need to simplify my life to create the space to address the keystone for me to move my life forward in a more positive direction?
“The right thing to do and the hard thing to do are usually the same.” ― Steve Maraboli
It’s important to recognise which comes first for us as an individual because both of the above are relevant. My sense is that by simplifying our lives first we are more likely to create the space for effective change. From my experience in the areas of business and personal relationships, I have noticed that until we address our personal challenges and dilemmas, we are unlikely to resolve any external issues or other relationships.
“Be the change that you wish to see in the world.” ― Mahatma Gandhi
When we experience a sense of overwhelm and wonder which way is up in either our personal and/or in our business relationships we need to go to someone like a coach or an ‘unreasonable friend’ to clarify our situation.
“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.” ― Leo Tolstoy
To help facilitate a solution, please pick up the phone and please contact (me) Jane Butler on 021-732 230, email email@example.com or check out www.outoftherut.co.nz It’d be great to talk with you.
Remember: For things to change, first I must change.
Out of the Rut brings together coaching, mentoring and creative thinking. We empower you with down–to-earth solutions, practical tools and techniques to apply to your situation - whether it's personal or business.