Make the Right Thing Easy ….

Horses and dogs have taught me a lot about people.

When I was in my ‘Horse Phase’ I had a racy Arab and a chilled-out Icelandic. They were two extremely different horses to work with, both in nature and in behavior and style. The Arab was the equivalent of the ‘A-type’ personality wearing stiletto’s and could move from 0-100 in a matter of seconds… and the Icelandic was more of the ‘B-type’ who, when asked for action responded with a quizzical look that said “Really? Are you kidding?!”

I was taught a lot by them. Many of the insights I either noticed or had delivered (by fair means or foul!) became the foundation of my mode of practice along with my professional ‘tools of trade.’

Like vets who diagnose issues with animals without verbiage, we can often gain greater insight by observing non-verbal behaviour than we can by trying to ‘read between the lines’ to decipher what people are endeavouring to say.

The key insight from the natural horsemanship workshops I attended was to “Make the Right Thing Easy and the Wrong Thing Hard ….” so this is how I learned to communicate with my horses:

1. Set up a regular routine by training in a specific area with minimal distraction and with some gear that the horse associated with ‘work.’
2. Start ‘small,’ reward each point of progress with acknowledgment and recognition and built on that. Keep sessions short and succinct – always ending on a high: ‘Little and Often’.
3. Start gently and increase the ‘pressure’ (intensity) gradually. The guide we were given is start as if a fly lands on the horse (very light) as if touching their skin, and then increase through to ‘as if’ touching the muscle and then ‘as if’ their bone. Surprisingly, stage 4 was to return to light-touch. The point being to teach the horse that is the progression – so when they know that pressure increases they can respond before the next increase because they recognize a pattern has been established.
4. Keep sessions varied and interesting; introduce incremental change as early learnings are established.
5. Make learning fun and adjust it to the individual concerned.

So how exactly does this relate to human communication and behaviour?!

In relation to communication where unacceptable behavior needs to be addressed, conflict resolved or you just need to talk about ‘difficult stuff’ – we must be ‘mindful’ of the following:

• Give the heads-up that you want to talk – preparation is the key.
• Consider the timing: immediate/today/tomorrow/weekend; am or pm?
• Be aware of the others’ circumstance – any significant stresses going on?
• Engage on ‘neutral’ grounds
• Ensure any pressing demands are dealt with before discussion starts
• Clarify expectations and ‘frame-up’ what the purpose of meeting
• Agree when to reconvene – respect the time and ‘demands’ on each other.When we have a ‘situation’ whether it is at work, at home or in a social circumstance, we know we need to move on from it.

Simply, as Leaders, we need to do the Right Thing –

Acknowledge the situation: recognize potential for ‘difference’.

1. Accept it for what it is: A ‘situation’.
2. Act: change our perspective; understand and respect difference. Move on.It was only when I came to source the origin of this quote that I realized I had lived with it the ‘wrong way around’ – so apologies to the great horseman Ray Hunt for misquoting, however, I find I like to focus on the positive!

“Make the Wrong Thing Hard and the Right Thing Easy ….”Ray Hunt

1. Communicating about ‘tough stuff’ can be squirmingly uncomfortable and we often ‘tread on egg shells’ to avoid the very conversations we need to have. If this sounds like you and you’d like to access specific tools and techniques to enable better understandings of how to manage difference both personally and professionally please give me a call on 021-732 230 or email me on jane@outoftherut.co.nz .

“10% of conflict is due to difference in opinion and 90% is due to delivery and tone of voice.”