Rejection …. Perception vs. Reality?!

Expectations, Assumptions and Presumptions happen all too readily and can often be the basis of what we perceive as rejection when the result or outcome we either expect or hope for doesn’t eventuate.

So what is ‘perception’ and which is ‘reality?’

Both can happen equally easily in our professional or business lives as it can in our personal lives. I can think of plenty of examples of these for me, and I’m sure you can too?!

‘Clarity of Intent’ is required to unlock our perceptions and therefore our beliefs and ultimately our biology as a result. Our health gives us immediate feedback on our perceptions…but are they Real?

In order to ground our perception and enable it to be ‘Real’ here are three things that I find help me discern the two and manage my sense of ‘rejection’ if things don’t follow the direction I expected:

• First, get my ego out of the way (i.e. get over myself!) which happens when I get honest about my intention and expectations.
• Second, establish my ‘Clarity of Intent’ – which means to clarify the ‘Why?’ I am engaging with this person, opportunity or situation. When I do this and am honest about it, I am then clear that it is genuine and well-founded and not under the guise of a ‘secondary gain’ – i.e. something I want for me rather than the greater good.
• Finally, look at the person, opportunity or situation from my perspective, as well as theirs, and more importantly, from the ‘meta’ perspective: as if I were a fly on the ceiling looking down from a detached, dissociated, neutral position and observing…. What are the options here?

I am an opportunist and tend to look at the ‘glass half full’ the naivety of which can often trip me up because I haven’t taken into account the potential consequences of my actions or the possible outcomes, circumstances or expectations of the other party (person/opportunity/situation). Sometimes I learn from these mistakes and at times I don’t: I can fall into the same trap but maybe in a different context, until I get given the ‘lesson’ sufficiently strongly to stop me in my tracks and take note for the need for me to change my attitude or behavior, or both.

With reflection from the last (and previous) years, and the opportunity to ‘hatch a plan’ for 2018, what are the lessons learned and the new model of our individual selves that will enable us to better handle ‘rejection’ and be more authentic through improved insight into what exactly we consider as ‘perception’ vs. ‘reality’?

Rejection (and conflict) is often not about us, though we may think it so (ego!): It can be a number of other things from time and timing, through lack of availability of resources to change of circumstances outside yours or the clients’ control.

On a personal front, it can be much the same….particularly if the fit seems right from our perspective but maybe the timing, circumstance or expectations are quite different for the other party.

Here are three tools which are integral for me in deciding the difference between my perception and reality, as well as enabling me to handle the potential rejection that can occur when things don’t turn out to meet my expectations:

1. ‘Frame-Up’ the situation with clarity around the important areas of ‘Why?’ ‘What?’ ‘How?’ and ‘So What?’ to engage all aspects of potential resolution.
2. Keep my thinking above the line (Take Ownership, Be Accountable and Take Responsibility for what I can have influence over, and own it.) Ditch the Blame, Excuses & Denial.
3. Engage the ‘Triple Perspective’ – look at the person/situation from my, their and a meta perspective and list 3-5 possible (and realistic) options for outcomes keeping one’s mind open for negotiation.

Bottom line is to remember that perception may not be an accurate interpretation of the situation, and that ‘Belief’ can re-write our genes. (Do you think the Wright Brothers thought they’d never be able to fly?!) We all know the stories of ‘it’s unlucky to walk under a ladder’ … Who says, and what is your experience? Is that a truism, a belief or a perception? And can you change that? Of course we can!
Be thinking … next time you find yourself feeling a little ‘miffed’ by something whether it is for real or not, notice how you can change your perception and therefore your belief and following on from that, shift your biology and your behavioural reaction and response to a new frame.

Next time your ideas are dismissed, your proposal rejected or your affections spurned, re-think the reality with things tangible; throw out the assumptions, presumptions and intangibles and re-direct your focus to new opportunities and more fulfilling realities!
You can chat  to Jane on 021-732 230 or send an email to jane@outoftherut.co.nz  I invite you to read our other blog posts for more helpful knowledge and information.