There’s got to be more to life than this!

As Autumn turns to Winter, or as you Spring into Summer, we are all living through another ‘Transition.’   As well as it being seasonal, you could be experiencing additional ‘rites of passages’ in your life….

If you find yourself muttering: ‘There has to be more to life than this!’

Then some of the following may help:

• What really lights your Fire? What are you passionate about and great at? What makes you tick?
• Are you living it? How could you better apply your skills and passions both at home and/or work?
• Have you a Plan in Place to achieve this? Have you a tangible, easy-to-use plan that can enable you to achieve your goals?
• How clear is your vision? Do you have a personal vision for your future?

Once you’ve had some time to think about these things, it’s time to consider how you may be making excuses. If you’re not, then why aren’t you doing or being that which you envision?

Do you recall the ‘Below/Above the Line’ model that I’ve mentioned before??

Below the line being:     Blame, Excuses, Denial

Above the Line being:    Ownership, Accountability, Responsibility.

We cannot effect change in things we have no influence over….so disregard or delete any of those on your plan or wish-list.

On a scale of 1-5 do your frustration-with-life levels lie? Are you frustrated with your current career, your personal situation or both? Which is your priority?

‘Stupid is the New Smart’

and START is an acronym Gandhi coined that stands for Serve, Thank, Ask, Receive, and Trust. 

Read more about it here.

Let’s get started:

• Are you happy with your accomplishments to date, or do you want more?
• Do your relationships either at home or at work need inspiration?
• Are your business and/or personal relationships either uninspiring or frustrating?

Here are some of the things that you may find yourself experiencing:

• When did you last clarify what you do best? Or what you want to achieve?
• I am good at what I do, but I struggle to get my message out.
• I chose my career because I was interested in (accountancy) but now I own the business I seem to be anything but what I trained for!
• My life’s so busy I lose my sense of priority.
• Meetings galore, I just want to avoid them.
• I can’t seem to make a decision: I never used to be like this…
• I’m constantly tired – I’ve lost my confidence and my energy.
• I’m bored and unstimulated; I’ve lost track of where I want to goDoes this sound like you?
• It’s hard juggling young family and a new business – there’s no time.
• We’ve lost ‘us’ in the equation of life; all we do is bicker.
• I’m in ‘overwhelm’ and I want to be happy.
• I’m damned if I do, and damned if I don’t…
• I have no purpose any more.
• I’ve lost my sense of balance and can’t seem to prioritise.
• I’m caught in the ‘sandwich generation’ and am caught in trying to be all things for all people but have lost myself in all this.
• I love my partner but we’re just not ‘in love’ anymore…

If You are the Answer, What is Your Question?

This was my by-line when I first started with ‘Out of the Rut’  and I found it got people thinking, because whatever we want to achieve, we can get there… it just takes one step… and that is to Ask.

Here are some tools which can get you off the starting blocks:

1. 3A’s
2. BTL/ATL
3. Serve, Thank, Ask, Receive, and Trust
4. RESPECT
5. Decide how to ‘Eat Your Elephant’

1. The Three A’s:

Acknowledge – notice where you are and that you want (need?) to effect change.

Accept – clarify the things that you are in a position to change i.e. you have influence over.

ACT! Create a plan – this may require the help of an ‘Unreasonable Friend’ an independent Coach or Mentor.

2. Below/Above the Line: It is OUR choice.

Below the Line Behaviours are:

This is like when you don’t want to get out of BED and that you feel like pulling the covers over your head!

1. Blame – The ‘Victim’ Role (poor me)
2. Excuses – The ‘Loser’ Role (can’t; not fair)
3. Denial – The ‘Reactive’ Role (wasn’t me; don’t know/care)

Above the Line Behaviours are: When you dig your OARs in and create movement.

1. Ownership – The ‘Winner’ Role(if it’s going to be its up to me)
2. Accountability – The ‘Leader’ Role (ability to be accountable)
3. Responsibility –The ‘Pro-Active’ Role (ability to respond)

3. START:

Serve:   Doing/helping others is a great place to start because it gets us over ourselves and we start thinking beyond Self.
Thank:  Rough and tough as may feel our lives are at any one time, noticing just 3-5 positives that we’d otherwise let pass by in a day does great things for getting a perspective on things; it’s our reality check!
Ask:  When we don’t ask, we don’t get. It okay to ask for help and it does great things for the morale and purpose of the person giving it.
Receive:  It is easier to give than to receive’ is a truism; it takes grace and gratitude to receive and it’s worth practicing this one well!
Trust: This is my favourite! Trust is about being transparent; about telling each other where we stand and providing context to our communications to provide understanding. It is about dialogue not monologue; being honest and thereby telling the truth. This is Trust.

4. RESPECT: A reminder of some of the ‘Basics’

Relate – what is essential about what you’d like to achieve, and to whom does it relate?
Expectations – this is the Biggie for me and where so many things fall down. Are your expectations realistic both personally and of those with whom you engage?
Smile – if you’ve forgotten how to do this, check yourself out in the mirror. Notice how differently you speak when you’re smiling!
Purpose – have you clarity about this? Does it make your heart sing? If not, re-evaluate!
Engage – you know that feeling when you’re talking with someone and they’re looking down at their phone/computer? Or you’re on the phone and you sense they’re only half with you because they’re distracted by their ‘life?’ Be sure to give whomever you are with your total and undivided attention.
Communicate! 2 ears, one mouth: Listen twice as much as you speak and be courteous whilst you’re about it.
Thank-you …remember your manners; it is free to say thank-you; people will support you more when they know you appreciate their guidance and advice. Be courteous – it’s stand-out memorable!

5. Eat Your Elephant!

How? One byte at a time…. From little acorns grow extraordinary oak trees. It is about small beginnings; that’s often all we have time for, so just make one step …and then another…. And the next…
Have a great May and transition well! Whatever your beliefs, we don’t know our ’Use-By’ date, so make the most of what we have on a daily basis.

Bestest,
Jane

Jane Butler is a Business and Personal Relationship Coach, Mediator and Facilitator and is available for Individual Consultations, Team Building, Communication Workshops, Conflict Resolution, Leadership Development and Couples Relationship Coaching. When you need support in re-evaluating what is happening in your present and could use an ear and some tools to counter feeling in a ‘stuck state’ either at home or at work, please get in touch.
Please check out the website for more information: www.outoftherut.co.nz 
Jane can be contacted on 021-732 230, or by email: jane@outoftherut.co.nz